There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
