i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
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Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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