I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
