it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
im calling her cock vulture from now on
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
