tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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