woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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