i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
