I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
