im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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