True but thats because hes a fetus.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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