Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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