Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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