3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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