im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
