accomplished twins. life is a go
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
