My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
