Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
