You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
