I want to stick my p in your. b.
If that was your dad, he is hot
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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