I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
