you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
