I'm really into asian looking animals
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
