"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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