EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
