I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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