I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
