you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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