how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
