we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
