I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
The ass gains better be worth it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
