If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You dont lie about slip and slides
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
