I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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