Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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