i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
