me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
