I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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