So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
