Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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