i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
