Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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