Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
