alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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