Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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