do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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