Got a toothbrush?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
