New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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