I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
