there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
