AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
