she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
