were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize