i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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