That's intense
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
