at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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