Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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