Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
