do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
