Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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