I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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