So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
