and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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