is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
