It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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