I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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