I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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