I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
