I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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