I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
