Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
