a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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