Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
