He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just made my gag reflex go away.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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