the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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