Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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