We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
