It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
