it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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