Duck Duck Cougar?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
