Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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