he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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