bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
