I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
