Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
